February 2026
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I’ve been doing college admissions work long enough to have great faith in checklists.
This particular student had all the boxes checked. College list? Done. Essays drafted, revised, and polished? Done. Transcript requested? Done. Deadlines tracked with the vigilance of an air-traffic controller? Done.
She was the kind of senior who makes admissions counselors relax. Responsible. Diligent. On top of things.
Which is why, at the eleventh hour -- just as applications were about to be sent -- I discovered something that stopped me cold: she hadn’t asked a single teacher for a recommendation.
Not one.
Her Common App was beautifully organized and completely unusable.
At first, I assumed this was a simple oversight -- the kind that happens when a teenager is juggling academics, activities, and the existential weight of senior year. But when I asked what had happened, her answer surprised me.
She hadn’t asked for recommendations because she didn’t feel she had a relationship with any of her teachers.
Four years of high school. Dozens of classrooms. And not one adult she felt comfortable approaching.
This wasn’t a checklist problem. This was a connection problem.
Despite strong grades and an admirable work ethic, my client wasn’t fully prepared for college -not because she couldn’t handle the academics, but because she hadn’t yet learned how to connect with adults in positions of authority. She didn’t know how to become known, supported, or mentored.
And that skill, it turns out, matters enormously.
So how’s your kid doing here?
The Case for College Mentoring
A national poll of more than 30,000 college graduates found that alumni who could name one professor who cared about them as a person, made them excited about learning, and encouraged their dreams were more than twice as likely to be thriving -- professionally and personally -- even decades after graduation.
Brennan Barnard, a longtime observer of college culture, has distilled this research into one deceptively simple question he always asks current college students:
“Who is your person?”
The most satisfied and successful students, he notes, don’t hesitate to answer. They name the professor, advisor, coach, or staff member who took a real interest in them -- someone who saw them not just as a student ID number, but as a human being in progress. Over and over again, Barnard hears that these relationships are central to both success and joy in college.
But as important as that question is, parents of high-school students need to ask an earlier one:
Is my kid ready to be mentored?
Getting Your Kid Mentor-Able
Mentor-ability doesn’t magically appear at move-in. It requires skills that must be practiced well before college begins.
For example:
Can your student write a respectful email -- or make an appointment -- to ask a teacher for help?
Do they have enough intellectual curiosity to bring real questions or unfinished thinking (“Here’s what I’m working through…”) to an adult?
Do they know how to listen, say thank you, and follow through -- skills that make a teacher want to keep talking with them?
These aren’t “soft skills.” They’re life skills.
Ron Lieber, a longtime personal finance columnist for The New York Times and author of The Price You Pay for College, has written movingly about how being mentored at Amherst College shaped his career. Reflecting on a trusted dean who helped his family navigate financial aid, Lieber wrote that he came to realize “the world was full of grownups who can help decode complex systems.” Learning to ask those grownups for help, he says, changed everything.
It also explains why, years later, he still gives back to Amherst -- in gratitude for being seen and supported.
Jeff Selingo, another respected journalist and author on higher education, reaches the same conclusion: one of the strongest predictors of college success is whether a student can name at least one adult on campus who knows them well and is invested in their progress. That person might be a professor, advisor, coach, or staff member -- but having someone in your corner affects everything from persistence to confidence to a student’s willingness to ask for help.
So as you consider your child’s readiness for college, here’s the question worth lingering over:
Is my kid ready to be mentored?
If the answer is yes, you can send them off with confidence. And when they come home -- perhaps a little wiser, maybe a little tired -- you can ask the follow-up question that really matters:
“So… who’s your person?”
How I Can Help
I regularly work with students to develop their unique Purpose Project (aka "Passion Project). These projects develop students' ability to network with helpful adults, including community leaders, national experts, and college professors. Read more here; then let's be in touch.